Ramblings Uncategorized

Chemo. Rinse. Repeat.

Where to begin!  Hmmmmm….I finished my third round of chemo with increased dose from 170 mg to 225 mg, which I seemed to have tolerated with no allergic reaction, so that was a big relief.  My dose will need to increase as we move forward, but my Oncologist is doing it safely and monitoring me as I go.  My last labs revealed that my platelets dropped below normal and this has happened after every round.  My last labs were done because I had  subconjunctival hemorrhage in both of my eyes.  This is basically a bruising of the eyes, which those on chemo can be susceptible to.  It’s not serious, …what a relief. It is quite gross though because there is a lot of redness in the eye and I do not like looking at eyes.  I’m that person that cannot even look at the eye posters in the optometrist’s office with all of the layers and it’s not even real photos, it’s a drawing.

What I learned after this last round is that chemo sucks.  It’s just awful and I’m not even at full dose, but I have also learned that I can keep on trucking and doing what I need to do.  The side effects for Temador are very long as with all chemotherapy.  I have come to appreciate what any individual has gone through or is going through while on chemo and the lasting effects that linger.  My mom was so strong and barely complained about her treatment, my brother-in-law was a brave face through it all and so many others I know have set the incredible example of strength for me.

One of the many things that I do not like about chemo is that I can be feeling good one minute and make plans with someone to then have to turn around and cancel on them, but of course I am surrounded by love and support so everyone is very understanding of this. I do continue to exercise because that is a must for me or then I feel like I am just focusing on my discomfort, which in turn feels like I am feeling sorry for myself and as someone who has battled depression since early childhood, I know this is not a path that I can go down.  Whether it is light stretching, yoga, a short walk, getting on my spin bike, I must keep active and it usually does help me fight some of the fatigue.

Noel working out of town during the week has actually been good for me because it reminds me to rely on myself and that has been a goal of mine for so long that I don’t want to rely on my daughters or husband to be my caretakers for as long possible.  I still have the sense of independence when I can do things for myself especially at a time when I have finally chosen to embrace that I have to rely on others for rides or to pick things up for me since I cannot drive. I’m still in awe of how many people we have to help with those things.  We are blessed beyond measure.

I was working on trying to get our series, Dates released this week, but it appears that I’m going to need some assistance with the editing as I am just not feeling well enough to do it or have the capacity to try to learn the updated version of editing software at this time.  I get overwhelmed and frustrated.  I have to be patient with myself.

I have more to share on this, but will wait for another day to get into it.  We are planning to go to Chicago with Noel on his business trip for a little getaway before the school year starts.  I am really looking forward to this as I have always wanted to see the Cubs play at Wrigley Field, but every time I have been there, they are away.  We have tickets to the game this coming week and we are all so excited to attend.  I just hope our seats are far enough back that I don’t end up getting hit in the head by a foul ball like Drew Barrymore in Fever Pitch.  Of course anyone who knows me well would NOT be surprised to see this scenario play out on ESPN.  Hey, maybe it would knock the Cancer right out of me…hhmmmmm.

My steroid dose has also increased this week due to severe pressure and headaches, which I keep hoping for the day that comes that I don’t need them any more.  I look like someone who has an air nozzle and someone just blew my face, neck, and body up like a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day balloon, but if it helps then it helps.

I’m just taking one day at a time and grateful for every morning I wake up and every night that I go to bed.  KOKO (keep on keeping on)!


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